Auto Insurance Question

My daughter is just over a year old. I am 31 years old. She was conceived when a condom broke just a few weeks into a casual relationship with a man I met on Match.com. (Not a thing I usually do, but it is what it is). He insisted I have an abortion but I refused. He made my life a living H#ll for the entire pregnancy and went back and forth about whether or not he wanted to sign away his rights (and have nothing to do with her, including no child support, etc.) or be her father (and pay child support and be a positive father figure in her life). I gave him the option. He waited until she was born and she was perfect and healthy before deciding to not sign his rights away and be in her life. I put my anger aside for her sake and set up twice a week visitation at my home and he agreed to pay me child support weekly. He did not want to acknowledge paternity because he said he wanted to first do a paternity test. I agreed to that (there is no question he is the father and he knows it too). The past year has been extremely chaotic. He is 40 years old but extremely irresponsible, has incredibly erratic behavior (to the point that he admitted a few times that he believes he is Bi-polar but will not seek help or diagnosis and meds because he claims he can not afford medical insurance). Lately, things have escalated between him and I. Every time he comes to visit our daughter he engages me in some kind or argument and often loses his temper to the point it frightens me (although he has never become violent nor do I believe he would ever physically harm our daughter). He strongly encouraged me to allow him to claim her on his taxes as his dependent. I refused because technically our situation does not meet the requirements and I also am afraid it would look favorably for his case if he ever decided to pursue partial custody (even though he swore he never would do so). On April 15th of this year another issue arose (he wanted me to do something else besides sign the tax paperwork and I refused. I don’t want to bore you with the details but the point is it made him angry). The next day (the 16th) was his regualr visitation day. WHen he showed up ha was carrying paperwork and informed me he found a lawyer and had decided to seek partial custody of our daughter. He told me it was my own fault becasue I could have prevented it by signing the form to allow him to claim her on his taxes and abinding by a few of his other wishes. Basically, he was trying to manipulate me by threatening to try to partial custoday if I did not comply with his wishes. Since I didn’t comply he is now retaliating.

Throughtout the past year, he has made NO attempt to do the paternity test or acknowledge paternity or to get himself added to her birth certificate, even though I left the door open for him. He lives with his mother and sister in a very chaotic household (both the sister and mother are bi-polar and the mother is very old and on the verge of dimentia – according to the sister). He works ridiculous hours as an auto salesman, most days 9 to 9 and has frequently missed his visitation days or asked me to change them for him, which I usually complied with because I have tried to be as flexible as possible. I do not want to keep my daughter from having a relationship with her father unless he proves to be a poor influence or is harming her. At her age now, she doesn’t notice when “daddy” doesn’t show up but soon she will be catching on and I do not want him to consistently disappoint her. He drinks quite a bit and lives somewhat of a party lifestyle whenever he can. He is not a “bad” person. He is just NOT a person I would ever trust to have partial custody of my baby girl. SHe is everything to me and it is my job as her mother to protect her.

I hae raised her through Attachment Parenting and I strongly believe that is why she is such a well adjusted, happy, outgoing, fearless, “easy” baby. SHe trusts that I will handle her every need since I always have. She has never spent a night away from me and I feel strongly that her being forced to do so now or any time in the near future will be seriously disruptive and traumatic for her. I am a model mother. I am a disabled verteran and can not work so I am a stay at home mother. I make all her baby foods from scratch to make sure she has the best possible, healthiest diet and for other reasons as well. She is the center of my life and she always comes first.

I need help! I am terrified that he will get some partial custody with overnight visitation. I am not just some bitter mother. I have always worked with him to foster the best relationship between him and our daughter but sharing custody when I am all she has ever known as a parental figure would be terrible for her right now!

I went to my local courthouse today and filled out the paperwork to file for sole custody. Unfortunately, the applcation costs about $250.00 and I just don’t have
that kind of money so I am applying for a fee waiver but that will take a week. I need some serious advice here. I am trying to find a good custody lawyer to take my case on a pro bono basis. I live in CT and I have heard from various reputable sources that many attorneys are now taking on extra pro bono cases as a better tax write-off since the recent tax increases. I have decided to discontinue his visitation for the time being becasue of his erratic behavior and the constant arguing that is not good for our daughter to be witnessing. I tried to set up some kind of suprevised visitation through the court but I was told that can not be done until the case is heard and that will be over a month away so I have no other options than to stop his visitation for now. It would not be safe or productive for me to allow his current visitation schedule to continue at my home.

Question 1: Does anyone have any advice for me in this situation? Am I handling this in the best possible ma
thus far or is there something better I should be doing?

Question 2: Do you think based on all this information that he will still be granted partial custody of our daughter? If so, how soon does that take effect? Do the authorities or children’s services at least check him out and assess the living arrangements my daughter will be thrown into if she is forced to do overnight visitation at his mother’s house?

Question 3: What is the best way to go about finding a good custody lawyer in my area (CT) and convincing them to take my case on a pro bono basis or at least to set up some kind of REALLY leanient payment plan? (I truly have very little income. My only income is from the VA as a disabled veteran and the child support, which I am afraid my daughter’s father may cease to pay as another way to manipulate my situation).

Please help! I know this is long and I so appreciate you taking the time to read this and help me out in any way possible. You are building great
Karma, LOL! Any serious advice or even personal stories of relevance would be greatly helpful. Thanks again and best wishes!
Thank you all so much for your answers. By the way, I have been maintaining a journal of events most of the time since the beginning of the pregnancy. I anticipated the posibliity of this sort of thing. I was hoping it was something I would never have to use but as it turns out, I am glad I have been doing it. There are a couple months over the Winter when things were going somewhat smoothly and I let the journal slide a little and I strongly regret that now. However, the majority of the conflicts, including times, dates, etc. are in there. I even have a few voice messages I’ve been saving on my phone for over a year and a half now. ( I really need to record them to a hard copy somehow) Anyway, thatnks again to everyone who has answered thus far. And to the person who offered her email address, I may take you up on that offer. Thanks again. I sincerely appreciate any help!